1 November 97

Visiting Mom in the desert.

Drank six beers, smoked almost all of a Paul Garmirian corona. Bought some clothes that will fit, Dockers and shirts. Saw a *gorgeous* Chicana at the mall, incredible breasts and slim hips, really, really ultrafuckable.

Cooking ribs. Try and connect Zip drive to PowerBook later on, brought it with me.

Low on battery power. This is the new battery I bought and conditioned, took about half a charge.

I am really incredibly fat, way, way overweight. This could end my life, I have to stop drinking so much/intaking so many calories. How to get more exercise painlessly? Riding to and from Rockwell worked along with the Soloflex AND NOT DRINKING back in '93. When I weighed 160!!

Now I weigh 240 or so. Great.

I drink too much. A night without enough beer or wine to dissolve the obvious issues is a night not well spent. Drink until it doesn't matter.

Went to the mall with Diane, very frustrating. Diane can't carry on a conversation, can't do the most basic, simple thing as far as social interaction goes. She has parts missing. When I slam up against it and there is not conceivable (ha) reason to stay with her the fact that I am staying with her, not with her but with Flynn, is painful, I feel stupid for wasting my life this way. I like spending time with Flynn, he is the center of my life, but life with Diane is an exquisitely frustrating and meaningless waste of time, she doesn't pick up on the simplest concept, no matter how finely it's chopped up for her. Why am I wasting my time???

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