saturday late afternoon

Kind of overcast and cloudy this morning. Sun came out in the afternoon. For a while. Built a fire this morning, it was chilly. Washed the car after a while. Did laundry, washed dishes. Cassidy and I painted with watercolors for a while in the afternoon. Kept the fire going all day.

Raked the flower bed area by the black gate and the morning glory / moonflower area visible out of the dining room window. Broadcast various seeds and covered them with a bag of the good soil ($20!). Watered those areas. Glad to have that started.

Planted the other planter box compartments yesterday with herb seeds and carrots. Quite a few things are showing signs of life. Some seeds said that they'd take up to 70 days to germinate. Yipes.

All six serrano seeds are up, one habanero and none of the jalapenos are up.

Have "It Came From Beneath The Sea" on. Have water boiling for circle noodles (tortellini). Heating up some garlic bread. Going to steam some asparagus. Yum. Sounds delicious.

Kids go back to school on Monday morning. I've mostly enjoyed the week off. They seem happy to loaf around the house. We only went to play miniature golf. Maybe I can drag them out bowling tomorrow. That might be fun.

 

green one, red one

Nice sunny day out today, not too warm. Very pleasant. I wonder how dry the soil is? I'd like to get back to preparing the yard to seed for a lawn and to plant the seeds I have for flowers and vegetables. I need to clean up the front yard. We have a real bumper crop of dandelions this year, they're huge.

this next hole's a par 27...

Dragged the mice off to play a round of miniature golf, then we played a couple of games of air hockey and then stopped at the big McDonald's in Escondido for lunch. The big playground there was too wet to play on, so now we're home again. Hooray for us.

Battery in the new camera crapped out after five shots and I'd left the spare at home. Oh well.

Neck hurts on the OTHER side, now, which is weird. Usually my neck/head hurts on the right side just behind my ear. ALWAYS hurts there when it hurts.

Flynn has a saxophone lesson at three o'clock, be on time for that. I'd like to get the Sirius car unit functioning and listen to that while I kill half an hour with Cassidy.

The kids are playing the Xbox for half an hour. Good for them. Life is short, take joy where you can find it.

headache

Tried holding ice to my head and alternating an ice-water-soaked dishtowel with one soaked in warm water. Took a couple of aspirin. Ate a piece of toast. Drank several glasses of water. Head still hurts.

Can't do anything, really. Head hurts. Poured out the rest of the strawberry (?) soda that I bought thinking it was tamarindo. Hopefully the toast will help. Get rid of the headache. I take good health for granted. Nothing is more important.

Picked up the bedroom last night. Felt better to have things put away.

Wonder if I shouldn't get rid of everything -- what's the point, anyway? All that matters is money. Television is meaningless sludge, no content worth watching aside from football. Baseball is a means to kill time until you get to football season.

Flynn slept in late this morning. Neither of the kids ever seems inclined to go anywhere or do anything, which frustrates me.

The sun is out. The soil is still heavy from the rain. I wonder if we could drive to Lake Hodges and see the dam? I saw on the news that it's overflowing, looked very impressive. Something to do. Drag the mice out miniature golfing or something like that. But, God, not with a headache.

Flynn has a saxophone lesson scheduled for three o'clock. Drag the mice out to that, I suppose.

Too many videotapes, too many cassettes, wherever I stuck them. I have too much stuff. It just doesn't matter. The kids seem happy and healthy. But the stuff I once felt was important doesn't seem to matter any more.

I weigh too much. Living with Diane all those glorious years resulted in my gaining weight. Lost sixty pounds in 2002. By the time I got to Memorial Day it didn't seem important -- who cared? Fuck it. Drink more beer.

How much longer to go? Until Cassidy is 18? Kids are basket cases until they're at least 30. So how much longer is that? Another twenty-four years. I'd be nearly seventy. Jesus, that seems like a long ways to go.

The soil will dry out. Replace the lawn. Keep the house clean. Take care of the kids. That is all there is, so do a good job of it. I can have a few dozen old science fiction movies to watch. They don't take up that much space and the kids seem to get a kick out of them.

I have got to get the kids out of the house to let off some steam. Drag them somewhere or other. I wish we had a large hamster-style exercise wheel in the house they could run on. Something like that.

 

wednesday afternoon

Drove to get some junk food from Jack in the Box. A few sprinkles. The rain is ending. Too bad. I love rain.

Threw out some things from the toolbox/filing cabinet. Enough to shut the drawers, anyway. Although the stuff is just piled up over on the counter for the moment. Separated into small piles. What to do with it all?

Get rid of it... who needs it? It's just clutter. Keep the important stuff. It ought to be obvious what to do with the rest.

Changed the web page to link primarily to blogs. Makes more sense. Easier and quicker to edit.

Really a shame to see the rain end.

sun out now. hard rain earlier.

About twenty minutes ago the rain was falling hard from the south, hitting the windows on that side of the house. Wonderful. Didn't last long. The sun is out now.

Cleaned part of the big bathroom. Made a cup of tea. Russian caravan tea. Built a fire. I wish that it would rain hard all day.

Doing more laundry. Need to clean up from lunch for the kids. They're squabbling well together at the moment.

I don't have more to say. I don't feel down any more. Glad that it rained again, hope that it rains more later. Rain makes me feel better in general. The harder and longer it rains, the better I feel. I ought to move where they have monsoons.

Time will pass, night will fall... winter will end, spring will turn into summer. I want to walk barefoot on the lawn this summer. Barbecuing and listening to A Prairie Home Companion and drinking an ice-cold Tecate. I want to watch fireworks from out in front of the house this 4th of July. I want to watch baseball games with the kids on television. We have a trip to Disneyland planned in early June. Flynn will start junior high school in the fall. Cassidy will start first grade. We can go to the beach this summer. I remember the fantastic mountainous thunderheads last August. How incredible those looked. Once football season starts it will be time to dig out the holiday decorations. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

Looks like more rain is coming from looking at the radar picture. I really like rain.

What to feed the little monsters for dinner tonight? Maybe just vegetables and rice. Cassidy turned her nose up at teriyaki pork ka-bobs that I grilled on Sunday AND vegetables AND rice. She had some drinkable yogurt instead. She'll eat every once in a while. I think that one reason I enjoy the fish is because they'll eat when I feed them, and what I feed them. With no fussing. They have yet to ever once say "Yuck. I hate it." which is a nice change from trying to feed Cassidy.

Why does Flynn have to talk constantly while he plays that stupid fucking video game? I mean, EVERY SECOND has to be filled with his voice. Drives me nuts. And it's a boring game. Dragged them out to the playground this morning and they played for a short time until it began to rain again. Take them bowling? That could be fun. Not today. Stay inside today and pray for rain.

Mike told me that Diane wasn't responding to whatever they're throwing at her this current stay in the hospital. I just don't get it. The whole thing. Only too happy to have her gone. The kids didn't seem to care about Diane's being obviously unavailable to take them either of the past two Saturdays. Fine with me. I didn't like her having them that one Saturday. Six o'clock couldn't arrive too quickly to suit me. And that was with Diane being three hours late to pick them up. Someone called about a check from Diane for "Doberman Digest" and I just paid it with a credit card. $110. Wonderful. Don't want to miss an issue of "Doberman Digest." One less thing for her to worry about.

Could take the kids to the zoo and have them walk around. Or somewhere like Torrey Pines and hike there. Something. Something other than video games. They're both slugs. Some training wheels arrived for Flynn's untouched bicycle, perhaps Cassidy will be inspired to learn to ride. She determined that she did NOT want to play soccer, this after signing her up and going to her first practice. We were at Sportmart looking for shin guards and soccer shoes for her when she announced that she didn't want to play. Go forth and figure. She's asked to play since her first soccer season ended in May. I didn't know what to make of that.

Have the aquariums backed with mylar to block light that was causing too much green algae. Have the lights off in the aquariums, also. Might give up on living plants, though I prefer them to plastic plants. The large tank, in particular, had a lot of algae forming on the gravel. Did two partial water changes on the large tank instead of one 10-gallon change. Need to get more fish water and do more frequent partial water changes to keep the algae down.

Searched on "Whitney Otto" on Friday and found a current photo of her from a writer's seminar and a column either written by her or someone with her name. Always a sobering experience. Odd and interesting that her photo is on the web and she's semi-well known. So that was that.

What else? Nothing else. I ought to go through my toolbox/filing cabinet and try and straighten things out. Ha. Organization. The final frontier. I like things better when they're cleaned up and organized. Makes me feel better. Finally got Cassidy's clothes put away yesterday and her room picked up. I have some ironing to do on some of her clothes. Haven't tackled much more of Flynn's room after moving his bookcase into his tiny closet. He needs to part with some clutter.

A couple of months ago I collected all of the video games I could find in the house and secured them, marrying the disk with its case where possible. The kids just don't treat the games all that well, and they're expensive.

Also organized all the DVDs I own. Many old science fiction movies. I have a ton of videotapes, too, and I'm getting pretty weary of them. And all those cassettes. And audio videotapes. Arrrgh. Still. It is nice to hear an old Dead show now and then. When I get a cassette near a cassette player. I wish the iTunes store had Dick's Picks.

I feel like I have too much clutter. I ought to attack the toolbox/filing cabinet and see if I can't organize some of it or part with some of it. I just have a ton of clutter, even after years of trying to get rid of pretty much everything.

later tuesday

Felt sad today. Rain is spotty. Kids are squabbling. Slept late. Not a lot of energy or direction. Hopefully it will rain more later. I keep looking at the radar maps on the Internet.

Took the kids to one of the Lake Poway playgrounds but it began to rain again shortly after we arrived. Made them some macaroni and cheese.

I don't feel like myself today.

tuesday morning

Slept in late. Kids are still asleep. Cloudy. Hopefully it will rain more. Soon.

limon

Six ice cubes. Some Jarritos limon soda pop. A good splash of Rose's lime. A small amount of vodka. Shave some lime zest on top. Add lime juice.

Nice rainy day. Fire in the fireplace since we returned from the market. Dour little mice surviving a forced march.

Watched MTV "Cribs." That show entertains me. I love the giant kitchens that no one cooks in. What would I do with a huge house? God, not what those people all do. Fascinating show. If you were going to have three cars, which three would they be? Uh, old VW bus... Toyota Prius...

Frogs. LOUD ones. Mataguay-loud frogs. On both sides of the house. Never heard anything like it before here. This year we've also had huge Africanized dandelions, giant ones. Huge, burly dandelions. Knock you over if you look at them wrong.

Ground must be wet. Plant when it dries out a bit. The morning glories and moonflowers and some sweet peas. Also plant various flower seeds near the black gate. Make better use of that space.

Watching "American Idol." Kids are playing together. They actually do play well together most of the time. Some of the time.

Long day today. The shopping trip this morning sucked.

Light rain outside. Hope it rains again hard later. Or soon. Or both. I love rain.

Moved the three "French Rose" tomatoes under some lights today. I've always meant to be organized enough to start tomatoes from seed and grow them inside before setting them out in April or May. I noticed an old "Carmello" tomato had also germinated. Wait and see if it grows more. The "French Rose" tomatoes are nearly at the top of the plastic lid on the seed starter tray. Three Reseda seeds had also germinated. I haven't smelled Reseda in years, looking forward to smelling that in the summer. Really a unique, unforgettable fragrance.

monday. rain.

Dark out, good heavy rain. Fire in the fireplace. Went to the market to buy milk and bread. The kids were not pleasant. Came home and washed dishes, cleaned up the kitchen a bit.

Went out when I saw a gap on the radar rain map. Worked out well.

Rain is really falling.

Hunter S. Thompson died. Sorry to hear that. Enjoyed and admired his writing.

I hope that the rain never stops.

sunday morning. no rain.

Rained off and on yesterday. Mostly off. Rained hard at night a couple of times. Erratic rain. The computer weather says "heavy thunderstorms" for tomorrow. Wait and see about that. I think they're just guessing half the time. Maybe more.

I guess I'll work on picking the house up today. I don't have a lot in mind. The kids have this coming week off from school. Grandma and Grandpa took them out to breakfast yesterday morning. They both pigged out. Diane called Friday night, she sounded really sedated and out of it.

Certainly a surprise to have Diane's wheels fall off. Don't know what to think about that. Glad she's gone. Been a long twelve months. When she got that dog I didn't think our marriage was long for this world. Surprised by the way it's played out so far.

It's about quarter to eight. Maybe I'll make some biscuits and eggs for breakfast. Or something. Don't really feel like doing anything today. Too wet to garden. No football on television. It would be nice to get the house cleaned up, especially the kid's rooms. Get their clothing put away.

doughnuts

Interrupted the kid's squabbling to drag them to the doughnut shop. Sick of Flynn's eternal petulance and Cassidy's endless whining. Glad they're at school. Flynn is having a friend over later. Expect the kids to squabble over that. They'll squabble over fucking ANYTHING. I sometimes tell them they remind me of two dogs who are let out into an empty yard in the morning and thrown a piece of rope and they spend the entire day fighting over that piece of rope.

If we'd had Cassidy first there's no way we'd have had Flynn. We'd have figured that every baby would be as much trouble as Cassidy. Flynn was a very easygoing baby until Cassidy was born. He's resented her since she was able to walk and run after him. He's really been a sourpuss since that time. Self-pitying and unpleasant. Cassidy loves Flynn but has developed a real spoiled-brat whiny attitude. Her toothbrush wasn't wet his morning, so she didn't brush her teeth. Lovely. Wonderful.

I ought to clean up their rooms today. Cassidy somehow managed to spread toys ALL over her room again and I intend to toss them out. Fuck 'em. Sick of picking toys up. No toys = no mess. No problem. Flynn has a bunch of crap in his room which he never picks up nor organizes. Get rid of it. We don't need a larger house, we need less stuff.

Not in a particularly happy mood this morning. And it stopped raining. Fuck. I hate when it stops raining. One of my absolute least favorite things. Forty days? Not nearly enough.

friday. more rain.

Had a dream with Whitney in it. I ... don't want to think about it. I didn't want to wake up. It wasn't real, but it was good enough. I wish it had been real.

That was a long time ago. Twenty-seven years. I don't dwell on it any more, but a dream with Whitney in it brings me right back to those days.

Wait to be distracted by real life. Think about something else. Squabbling kids. Traffic. Insane ex-wives. The usual shit.

Something I don't want to think about any more. Too distracting and upsetting.

slightly exhausted

Transcribed a few choice sentences from the notes on the Age of Exploration I'd printed out for Flynn to read into Flynn's final version of his paper. Pointed out that the information was right in front of him. Just pick it up and use it. Do more than the minimum required. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

Caravels versus galleons: which ship is best suited for trade use?

Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired.

Rain this afternoon, came home and built a fire. Firewood is worth the money.

Dug up small portions of the yard yesterday and today. It was warm yesterday. I think that I have the front triangle area reasonably ready for planting. I have half a dozen different height flower seeds to plant out there. That should look good from Cassidy's window. Plant some morning glory seeds and moonflower seeds below the trellises attached to the fence, visible out of the dining room window.

Cultivate and fertilize the rest of the yard and then tamp it... I don't want to rent a water roller. Get the ground even. I pulled up several long sections of that PVC pipe this morning, glad to have removed it. I don't want to install sprinkers. Grow a nice lawn. If the lemon and lime trees are trained... hmm...

I used to really enjoy walking on the lawn in the summer. Satisfied and happy with the suburban lawn. Simpler and happier days viewed from this point in time.

Glad tomorrow is Friday. Not that anything spectacular is planned for this weekend.

Three of the "French Rose" tomato seeds are up so far and, wait, two of the "French Rose" and three reseda seeds are up. That's all so far. Plant the tomatoes on the sunny side of the house. I have a couple of tomato cages ready to use this time.

I'd like to clean up the front area. Extending the concrete block wall to the street is something I'm interested in doing someday. Face that with bricks for the sake of appearance.

thursday

Got the kids up and dressed and fed and off to school on time. Went to Stater Brothers and bought some groceries and some water to do a partial water change on the large tank with this Saturday. Bought some gasoline. I'm not happy with the Santa Fe's mileage. Went to Albertson's to drop off some film Flynn had shot yesterday during his field trip to the aquarium. Albertson's deserves to go under. It's a fucking barn with about two people running it, and one of them is busy running the micro-Starfuck's inside the store. Went to Home Depot and bought a timer. Came home.

Cassidy had asked for pancakes for breakfast, so I used up the rest of the pancake batter once I got home. Tasty. Don't fall asleep.

Pick Cassidy up later, pick up my suit at the dry cleaners, go with Cassidy to Sportmart and buy her some shin guards and soccer shoes. Possibly a new soccer ball. She had her first soccer practice yesterday afternoon.

Flynn has a saxophone lesson today at three o'clock. Meet him at the library this afternoon. Return Cassidy's books and computer games.

What else? Not much else. Another suburban day.

wednesday

Nice day out, kind of warm. Finished filling the planter boxes with soil. Spread more amendment on the pointy little triangular area by the black gate, I want to plant flower seeds there.

Need to go pick Cassidy up in about ten minutes.

Moved the bookcase/rack in Flynn's room into his closet. I need to get rid of some of his clothes and toys. Just keep the stuff you need. Get rid of the rest.

Go get Cassidy. Get Flynn later. The kids have dental appointments at 2:40 this afternoon, then Cassidy is due at her soccer practice at four o'clock at Chapparal Elementary School. Printed out directions on how to get there. Kind of want to wait and see what kind of shoes/shinguards are called for by her coach. At the same time, I'd like to get those things ahead of time. Maybe I'll check the RBYSA web site and see if there's any information there.

Got the kids up early this morning and they both got baths. Made pancakes for their breakfast. Flynn was going to the Birch Aquarium with his class. Gave him some cash and a disposable camera.

He's still dragging his feet on his "Age of Exploration" report. Drives me nuts. Just sit down and DO IT, would you? What is the point of putting off the assignment??? Arrrrgh.

That's about all the news.

holy shit, it's Monday again already

That was the entire weekend, I guess. Time flies. Glad not to have seen Diane over the weekend, more to the point happy not to have had the kids with her.

I'd like to get some Chinese food to go this afternoon and come home and watch the dog show on television. It's on tomorrow, too.

The kids go to the dentist on Wednesday, I think. And Cassidy has her first soccer practice/parent meeting on Wednesday afternoon. So we should go and get soccer shoes and shin guards for her. Flynn has another saxophone lesson on Thursday.

I was looking at the rough draft of Flynn's "Age of Exploration" report and it needed a lot of input, so I gathered notes from the Internet and printed those out for Flynn to look at. He's typing it on the laptop. I saw that there's a table required that includes names and explorations and dates of various explorers that he had no trace of and a map with routes of different explorers indicated in different colors! So a trip to the library might be a good idea. I can provide the information but I can't do the report for Flynn. And he just doesn't seem to get that he needs to DO IT, not just sit around and watch dust settle. The information is not exactly hard to find, now it's literally right in front of his nose. Miss Lucero provided a detailed outline, so if he covers those points he ought to do fine.

Where's the chart of explorers and the map, though? Arrgh.

Frustrating.

God, Monday already. It was an enjoyable weekend. What did I expect? I mean, it rained on Saturday and we had a fire in the fireplace. It went by so quickly. Now it's Monday morning.

Drink another cup of coffee, wake the kids up, get them fed and dressed... fix Cassidy's hair and get her teeth brushed and off we will go to school. Come back and clean house... maybe wash the car again (I like having the car clean). Vacuum, clean up the floors... put dishes away, put clothes away. Clean up the kid's rooms.

Go pick Cassidy up around 10:53. Don't fall asleep today. See how her day went. Go pick Flynn up around 1:25. Maybe go to the library to do some "Age of Exploration" research.

Get some Chinese food and come home and watch the dog show on television. Get Flynn through his homework and get the kids in bed at a reasonable hour. There's a typical suburban day. Another twenty minutes and I'll get started...

rain.

What could be better than a rainy Saturday at home? Made cookies with Cassidy, watched a Godzilla movie with the kids -- you just can't ask for more than a rainy day at home. A fire in the fireplace. As good as it gets.

rain. cookies.

Fairly steady light to good rain in the morning. Very nice. I love rain. Watching Godzilla movies that arrived recently. Clearly not the cream of the crop.

Made cookies. May make more cookies later. Valentine's Day is Monday. Hopefully the icing I made will solidify. I think that it will.

Cassidy is busy teasing Flynn. I think I'll get around to doing a partial water change on the smaller tank this afternoon.

friday

Six o'clock. Making dinner. Swordfish and rice. Drinking a beer.

Diane called earlier, she won't be able to take the kids tomorrow, she's going back in the hospital for another two weeks. I received yet another notice from Mercury Insurance about yet another accident I gather she was in last Sunday. I wonder what I'm going to be paying for insurance after all of her accidents?

So I feel pretty good about her not taking the kids tomorrow or, hopefully, next Saturday. Just stay away. Far away. Die, in fact, stay far, FAR away.

Rain today, more rain tonight. Very nice. I love rain.

Time to go fuck around with the fire and get it burning again...

friday morning

Some decent rain. It was raining a little bit when I picked Cassidy up.

Felt somewhat scared and depressed the past week or two. I try and keep a positive outlook but some days things just frustrate or worry me. Falling asleep and being late to get Cassidy was a weird death-like experience. So now I worry about suddenly dieing and leaving the kids with whatever's left of Diane.

Taking many photos with the new small camera. Document what I do, what we are doing. I wish I'd taken more photos along the way, you know, over the years, even though I have hundreds and thousands of photographs. Wish I'd taken more.

Objective: remain alive and healthy until I'm done raising the kids

I have Valentine's Day cards and prizes for them. I *create* their little schedules and to some extent their worlds. Yes, here, this is something to celebrate, to make note of... let's get Chinese takeout food and watch the big dog show on television this coming Monday and Tuesday, something I decided to do with Diane. Create family traditions and holidays, things we do at certain times of year.

Christmas went well. Christmas went by quickly. I enjoyed having the house decorated and having the tree up for a longer period than we've ever had one up for before.

Not seeing Diane for nearly a month was nice. It's a shame she resurfaced.

quarter after six

Not happy last week about Diane's having the kids on Saturdays. Disturbed this week about having fallen asleep and being late to pick Cassidy up. That was like dieing. I want to stick around until the kids are grown, or semi-grown at least.

friday morning

5:38... rain last night, don't know if it's raining out this morning. It rains at night here a lot of the time, kind of strange.

driving

Had someone scowl and rant at me when I prevented them from cutting into the lane we were in. It would be great to pull out a long-barrel pistol and shoot out their tires -- but discharging a pistol would be more of a crime than shooting out their tires. Irritates me. So, you want to *assault* me? Well, get a little closer, I only carry a four-inch knife...

Cassidy's been fussy all day, Flynn is endlessly frustrating. Right now Cassidy is watching Spider Man 2 and Flynn is not doing his homework, he watching the movie with her. I looked through his notebook at the playground yesterday. Things were disorganized, lost, crumpled papers at the bottom of the backpack -- how hard is it to keep your shit organized, Flynn..?

Looks like it will rain more later. Some few sprinkles so far. Washed the car earlier today. It was dusty.

Not in a happy mood. Frustrated with the kids.

wednesday

FELL ASLEEP and was late picking Cassidy up. She wasn't upset or scared, I was thinking I had a heart attack or something. The Howard Stern Show had just ended and I was sitting here, then it was 11:20. No more Jack In The Box food for breakfast. No more "Rock Star Energy Drinks," too bad because I really like the taste. Scared the fuck out of me. Really scared me good.

Ate a couple of tomato-onion-lettuce-avocado sandwiches for dinner. I don't want to leave the kids without a sane parent.

Dug up more of the future lawn area. Turned it over with my trusty Smith & Hawken garden fork and then added amendments, now I'm going through it a clod at a time, getting the soil ready for seeds. I thought I'd plant flowers between the steps and the black gate and plant a lawn on the rest of the lawn area. Work on preparing the soil as time goes by. A little bit at a time is ok.

Excited and happy to have filled half of the planter box compartments with soil mix the other day. Planted some mesclun, salad mix, in one of the compartments. Some basil (three kinds!) in another. Have the 72-compartment seed starting tray full of this and that.

Ordered a 4-megapixel compact camera for about $300 the other day after a typically long round of research. A compact camera will be something that I can carry with me. Not to mention being 1/10th the price of the Canon 20D. It's got a 3x optical zoom and twice the resolution of the Nikon 950. That ought to arrive tomorrow, looking forward to that quite a bit.

Kids are in the tubs. Chase them off to bed sooner or later.

garden

Pulled weeds. Filled half of the spaces in the planter boxes with a combination of planting mixes and amendments. Filled the six white plastic planters. Filled the 72-space seed starter tray. Choose seeds to start in that later tonight, perhaps.

Felt good to garden. I meant to get around to that on Saturday. I filled up the trash can with weeds and debris from the future lawn area.

I'm thinking of growing another lawn, this time from seed. Plant flowers in the beds and vegetables in the planter boxes. And that curved corner bed. And the two trees appear to be doing well. I wish I'd planted the trees there when we moved in ten years ago.

I hope I can keep this house. Diane may insist on selling it. Fuck off, Diane.

I thought I had a big pile of amendments but now I see that I'd do well to stop at Home Depot again tomorrow and buy more amendment. And some more soil mix for the planter boxes. Dig up the lawn area and mix in amendments. Get it level. Stomp it flat. I don't want to rent a soil roller. Water it to make evident any high or low spots (the nursery recommended that when I called and asked for advice this afternoon).

That's about all the news.

about three

RAIN. Thank you, God. It's stopped and the sun may come out (my least favorite thing) but it was raining while I built the fire. VERY nice. I LOVE rain.

Made some French fries. Made more espresso. Latte. Whatever it is. Espresso with hot milk frothed with the milk frother screen top. Delicious.

RAIN. Nice. Ah, shit, here the sun is... it ought to rain until midnight if it's going to rain.

super bowl sunday

Diane showed up three hours late yesterday to collect the kids. I left at 5:30 to collect them at 6:00. They had a good day with Diane yesterday.

Hopefully the witch's brew of psychiatric meds she's taking will kill her off sooner than later. Fuck Diane. Unfuck Diane, more to the point.

Baked a couple Cornish game hens this morning. Just stuck some ribs in the oven.

Light mist outside. Very nice. Too bad it's not pissing down rain.

See if I can't build a fire to enjoy. The Super Bowl comes on about 3:30. Hope it's a good game. Hard to believe that the football season is over already. I feel like I missed more than half of it with Diane's 31 flavors of insanity. Depression. Yeah, right. I don't call being an asshole for 10+ years of marriage depression. I wonder if any of the pills she's taking comes with the instruction "try not to be such a jerk"?

Quarter to two now. Dug out some old items from CDs (like the ribs.html file) and added some of them to this blog. Too bad I can't set the date on posts back further than 1999.

I am soooo glad Diane is gone. It's too bad the kids see her on Saturdays. It's too bad she's still alive.

long week

Long week, been in a bad mood all week long. Not happy about the visitation arrangement with Diane. I'd rather she just stayed gone. Glad she didn't come over on Wednesday as she had planned. Maybe she "won't be having a good day" on Saturday also and she won't want the kids that day.

Bought a new video game on Tuesday after reading about it on wired.com/news, "Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath" and I've been playing that in the evenings a lot. Good game. Very absorbing. When things go wrong, play video games... if you can find a good one...

Get the kids up around six again. At least today is Friday.

Not feeling happy. Difficult to remain upbeat this week.

I'd like to pull the weeds from the former lawn area and amend the soil. Fill the planter boxes and plant those. Plant seeds of all kinds right away. Weed the front area and plant seeds there that can't be transplanted, some seeds are happier sown in situ.

Today Flynn is going to his friend's house after school, then I'll pick him up and Mrs. Klein will bring a wooden picture frame over for Flynn to sign with a wood burning tool as a gift for Mrs. Haberbosch.

Not satisfied lately, this hasn't been a good week, frustrated, worried and unhappy.