More rain. Thank God.

I have to cut out the logotype for Rene Shepard's banner. And get Cassidy in the bathtub. And get her to preschool.

And I need to get some iron-on printer material to finish up the Rangers banner.

This Saturday is the Cub Scout Powwow Training. I hope it doesn't go all day. Flynn has a baseball game at 4p if they get to play due to the rain. Rain. Thank God. Several days of rain. Thank God.

Finish Flynn's team's banner. Find some "approved" workers to cover the snack bar duty this Saturday.

Still utterly blown away that Frizzy died last year. I feel now like I ought to have contacted her more than I did, and I pretty much left everything behind when we moved to San Diego with 1-year-old Flynn. Then Cassidy in 1998. I'm busy.

I feel badly that we grew apart. I was living in San Clemente. I think that Frizzy was put off by my relationship with Susan. Susan was interested in a passionate be-with-me relationship. Frizzy was too cool for her own good.

I do miss her, though. I'm surprised that it had been so long since we were good friends when she was around.

When she was gone, she was gone. When she was back in town we'd get together. This is (hopefully!) a longer-frequency version of the same situation. Maybe I'll see her again sometime, someway. Or maybe our electricity will mingle somewhere along the way. Frizzy is in the rain. Watering all my new flowers and the rose plant outside. The poppies are about to begin opening.

What else do I have to do? Go back to Home Depot and get those little carbiners to fasten the banners onto the fences at Little Leage. Opening Ceremonies are on Friday night. God, I'm sick of Little League already. I was burnt out on Little League last year and I never got over being burnt out on it. And it's JUST STARTING. ARRGH. I'd really like a day off.

Sunlight thorough the window. At least a little sunbeam. Make your way through dead dreams to another land.

As time passes I am grasping more what happened. I miss Frizzy, but my choices were made some time ago and I don't have time to hang out any more. I was happy to see her and her friend at Issay's in 98. That was a fun evening.

I did a LOT of things with Frizzy. I'd forgotten how many different things we did. A good friend. And I was much younger at the time, maybe that's the biggest thing -- I was young back then, and life was open and fun. I had time to hang out. Things were new. Now things are more narrow, it's all pretty much cut and dried.

Would I have liked to have had Dyanne more interested in me? You bet. But that didn't seem to be in her makeup or in the cards or stars or whatever. Many times over the years Frizzy would go off to Arizona or up north and I wouldn't see her for a while and I'd have to get over it. This feels like the same thing, but on a longer term. Maybe I'll see her again sometime, more or less, but it won't be for a while.

I was fortunate to be with her. We had a lot of fun together. She was a special person. I'm sorry that she's gone.

The rain continues and is most welcome. Rain is beautiful. Rain makes me happy. Rain makes things grow. Refreshing, renewing. Glad to see it. It can't rain enough to suit me. I love rain.

It's still cloudy, windy and cold. Most appropriate.

I remember more and more and more things that Frizzy and I did together over the years. Dozens and dozens of things. Sailing, going to LA to see a museum exhibit, meeting for a drink at the Hotel Laguna, walking, going out for coffee, going to Woody's Wharf late at night... I remember many, many things, more and more. What a charming little character she was.

And I remember how we grew apart, things that bugged me about her. Eventually we didn't see one another for some time. She came to San Diego for a "vacation" and Flynn and I met her downtown where she was staying. We went to Ocean Beach and then Balboa Park. We took the ferry to Coronado. Then Diane and I had several people out to dinner at Issay's before Cassidy was born as kind of a goodbye to socializing. That was in 1998. So it's been about four or five years.

Overall my relationship with Frizzy was probably my most mature and successful relationship, but I was more interested in a passionate, involved relationship. Frizzy (and David) were about ten years older than I was. They didn't need to explore and feel, I guess, and must have seen me like a friendly, eager puppy.

Frizzy in the rain, holding an umbrella, my telling her that she looked like a mushroom and her laughter.

I miss her. It's hard to know that she's not here any more.

It grew cloudy and cold this afternoon. Which seems appropriate.

Searched some more, sent an e-mail to Pam Roberts, who once owned The Three Guineas (formerly The Magic Speller) and she wrote back quickly and told me that Dyanne had basically died of heart failure. She sent me a URL for some photos of Frizzy, which I've been looking at.

I have two photos of Frizzy and David on the wall next to my computer. Frizzy didn't like to be photographed. I don't have a lot of pictures of her.

I'm still just flat-out amazed. Walked outside and shed a few tears. It hurts to cry. It hurts to know that there is no more Frizzy in the world. What a special little character. I've been thinking of all the things we used to do, all the times we spent together. I just can't believe that she's gone.

Rest In Peace, Friz.

I searched SF area papers and there was, indeed, an obituary for Dyanne last spring.

JEW, Dyanne Sheryl - loving daugher to "c" louie jew and shirley jew and sister of theodore jew journeyed to yonder shore from her home march 20, 2002. she enjoyed a full life "for the moment" as an accomplished artist. a 27 yr. newport beach resident and worked at mariner's pharmacy. a giving loving person will be missed by many relatives and good friends who gathered for a private memorial on the bay, newport beach march 30, 2002.

How in the world did Frizzy die? I don't exactly know whom to contact to find out. Her father or brother..? They scarcely knew me.

I just cannot believe this.

Tried calling Frizzy's number, guessing that what was once 714 is now 949. 675-***3, right? It rang and rang. It's still an active number, at least. It hasn't been a year since the date of the notice I saw.

I'm still confused. Cassidy went for a bicycle ride at the park, I was looking for something in the garage when we got back and we were pulling out drawers in the tool chest together, and she saw a letter from Frizzy and asked what it was. It's a letter from a friend of mine.

Should I call her father's car dealership..? I am curious and concerned. Try her number again later..? And feel foolish when/if she answers..?

Went on a bicycle ride with Cassidy to the park. Dug out her bicycle, put air in the tires, cleaned it up, fit Flynn's old helmet to her head as best I could. She seemed to enjoy herself. I was waiting at the bottom of the hill when Cassidy apparently took her feet off the brakes and FLEW down the sidewalk and off the curb (Diane, who was walking behind her, was typically asleep at the wheel). So I grabbed Cassidy as she flew past me in mid-air. That could have been unpleasant. Glad I was standing right there.

Once when Flynn was small I had Kelly and Bob's old climbing structure in the house, and Flynn pitched himself off the very top of it and I caught him in mid-air by one ankle. Another time Flynn was riding his bicycle and tipped over and his head was heading straight for the cement curb and I caught his head in one hand. Nice timing again.

Dyanne Sheryl Jew. How many women could there be with those three names..? Is Frizzy dead? How did she die? This is one of the strangest things ever.

Laundry in the washing machine, dishwasher running, laundry folded and mostly put away, Cassidy's room somewhat picked up, have the vacuum out to take car of the rug in front of the couch. When in doubt, clean house.

Picked up scraps from the floor from the Little League banner (GO ROOKIE DIVISION RANGERS!). Have to get some iron-on color printer material to wrap that up with. Hopefully the banner was well-received. Those airbrushed side-of-Chevy-van banners make my skin crawl.

Hungry. Drink a Red Bull. Took some aspirin earlier. Still considering calling Frizzy. "Hi, are you dead?"

What do to today? Pick up the debris from making the Little League banner yesterday. Bleah. Not interested in that. Trying to catch up on doing laundry and putting clothes away. Attacking the kids' rooms and picking those up. This is sounding like it will take up the entire day.

Birds are singing outside. I have six gourds to make birdhouses out of. They seem to be easy to carve. So that will make a good Cub Scout project.

Lean over and pinch Cassidy on the leg and ask if she needs to go to her room. Stop bothering Flynn, then.

Gotta tune the car sooner or later. Running rough. Would rather not be stranded somewhere. At least assemble tools to work on the car where it stops running. Haven't changed the spark plugs in a year or more.

Clean up the kitchen, see if the mice want more to eat. It's already quarter to eleven, Diane was up past three working on a jigsaw puzzle, so the light kept me awake. I went to bed earlier last night. I was tired. I'm still tired. The past three or four days were way too busy and I'm frazzled from them.

Last night I typed in the name of an old friend in Google and got one hit. From an obituary indexing page.

Is Frizzy dead?! How do I find out? I tried searching other pages, newspaper pages, et cetera, but got only that one hit. Call her father's car dealership and inquire there?

Sunday

This is giving me a headache.

This past few days have been hectic enough. I'd like to do something relaxing today. This seemed simple enough.

Hasn't work yet. Keep trying. Kids are eating peanut butter toast and drinking chocolate milk on the couch. And watching television.

I keep tweaking the settings trying to figure out the missing element. This is giving me a headache. That or the cartoons in the background.

It would be nice to have Diane take the kids to her parent's house for the day one of these years.