Here I sit.
In Illustrator I listed the next twenty years and how old the kids will be in each year. And myself. Which was sobering.
Another five years and Flynn will be 18. In ten more years Cassidy will be 18.
Depressing and sobering information on that list I made. There it is. Don't expect a different ending than what everyone else gets.
I'm taking care of the kids now. Not a penny of support from Diane.
The endless insecure feeling of dangling by a thread. Will we get to keep this house? Will the divorce ever be settled..? Could Diane just not fucking kill herself..? Does Hallmark make a card I could send her to suggest that..?
Had the kids home last week for Thanksgiving vacation. Enjoyed that a lot.
Nearly out of firewood. The kid's visit to the dentist yesterday was $475. Which kind of precludes firewood at this time.
Or ordering wine from winelibrary.com. Good wine at low prices, deadly high shipping costs, though.
Diane gave me insurance cards for the kids that cover medical, dental and vision. I don't want to use them. I don't want anything to do with Diane. I want Diane to go far away and stay wherever she goes.
Maybe I'll get busy and re-paint the laundry room. And start on the kitchen. Which I thought I'd have painted over Thanksgiving vacation.
I was wrapping another gift or two this morning. I like seeing the pile of wrapped gifts in the corner of the bedroom.
I'm looking forward to getting a Christmas tree. I love Christmas. I put up the Christmas lights on Saturday, waaaay up on top of the extension ladder. That is intense. New string of "D" lights, the kind Dad used to put on the outside of the house. The big, old-fashioned ones. I had put up "C" lights in years past.
This string of lights blink, which I kind of like. I remember a transparent green light bulb that blinked on some of our old, like Mom and Dad old, Christmas lights.
The kids are still young enough to enjoy Christmas. I love to put up the decorations and play Christmas music, especially The Roches' "We Three Kings," my favorite Christmas music. And the Vince Guaraldi Peanuts Christmas music. And watch Christmas shows like How The Grinch Stole Christmas and A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Time to go do something else. Chilly this morning. Nice change.
